Merry Christmas

"Christmastime is here." I love those opening words from that great song in Charlie Brown's Christmas Special. So with the arrival of Christmas, I want to wish each of you a Merry Christmas. Christmas at the Chapman's will be very different this year. We have all experienced many changes and much loss. But in the middle of it all, I continue to hear the words the angel of the Lord spoke to Mary when she received the news of Jesus' impending birth. He said, "For nothing is impossible with God." Six amazing words --- a Christmas promise. I pray that no matter what is going on in your world and no matter the trials you are facing, you will remember that life-changing Christmas promise: For nothing is impossible with God. Merry Christmas, my friends.

Christmas Fun!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Starring (left to right) my daughter, Claire; my sister, Suzanne; her son Jason; me; and Suzanne's son, Josh. Who knew that our family had so many amazing moves?

Huge Blessings

I had the privilege this weekend of attending the graduation of some amazing women from The Shalom Center, a Christian facility for women facing overwhelming drug, alcohol and life issues. Rhonda, a woman who got saved at Capstone a few years ago, invited me to be her guest at her graduation. It was an incredibly encouraging evening in so many ways.

The women - ranging in ages from 21 to 50-something - told stories of how their lives had spiraled out of control due to sin and bad choices. Most had faced years of alcohol and drug abuse and prostitution. Most had lost their families and everything they owned. Each had hit rock-bottom in her own way.

But in spite of years of pain and loss, each woman finally reached out for help. Their stories of God's grace and mercy were so great. Each of them talked of the redemption and forgiveness they had found in Jesus. They talked of surviving in spite of overwhelming odds. And Rhonda gave a great tribute to her daughter for standing by her through 26 years of addiction. Wow.

One of the young ladies said something that really spoke to me. She said,
"When the devil breaks you, he leaves you broken.
When God breaks you, He puts you back together."

Isn't that incredibly true? Sin destroys and leaves its victims' lives shattered. The brokenness that God brings actually works for good in our lives and results in us being more like Him.

God spoke to my heart in many ways Saturday night. He reminded me for the millionth time that He is constantly at work, even in the most difficult of situations. He reminded me that His arms of grace are long enough to reach every sinner. He reminded me of His work in Rhonda's life through Capstone Church and the incredible privilege I had to plant that church and be involved in so many people's lives. And, He reminded me that even though I am no longer involved in leading that church, the seeds of faith that He allowed me to sow into people's lives continue to grow.

I am humbled by His grace in my life. His mercies are truly new every morning. And, I am humbled that I would get to be involved in His work in the lives of people like Rhonda. What a huge blessing!

House by the Side of the Road

I attended the funeral of my cousin's father this past week in Rosman, North Carolina. At the end of the service, the pastor read a portion of the following poem. I love the words that represent the long roads of life, the challenge to be a friend to everyone and the judge of no one, and to find ourselves no better than others, no matter their lot in life.

The House by the Side of the Road

There are hermit souls that live withdrawn

In the place of their self-content;

There are souls like stars, that dwell apart,

In a fellowless firmament;

There are pioneer souls that blaze the paths

Where highways never ran -

But let me live by the side of the road

And be a friend to man.

Let me live in a house by the side of the road

Where the race of men go by -

The men who are good and the men who are bad,

As good and as bad as I.

I would not sit in the scorner's seat

Nor hurl the cynic's ban -

Let me live in a house by the side of the road

And be a friend to man.

I see from my house by the side of the road

By the side of the highway of life,

The men who press with the ardor of hope,

The men who are faint with the strife,

But I turn not away from their smiles and tears,

Both parts of an infinite plan -

Let me live in a house by the side of the road

And be a friend to man.

I know there are brook-gladdened meadows ahead,

And mountains of wearisome height;

That the road passes on through the long afternoon

And stretches away to the night.

And still I rejoice when the travelers rejoice

And weep with the strangers that moan,

Nor live in my house by the side of the road

Like a man who dwells alone.

Let me live in my house by the side of the road,

Where the race of men go by -

They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,

Wise, foolish - so am I.

Then why should I sit in the scorner's seat,

Or hurl the cynic's ban?

Let me live in my house by the side of the road

And be a friend to man.




Sam Walter Foss, written in 1899

Thankfulness

Well, the Thanksgiving holiday has passed. It came quickly and left in the same way. I have to admit that I was dreading the big day. Everything is a "first" these days since Daddy died. And, with all of the other changes that have taken place this year, it's really hard to predict how things will go.

But I have to say that Thursday was a nice day. Our family was together. Yes, there was a huge void with Daddy's absence, but we chose to focus on what we still have and not just what we have lost. I was looking around the room and thinking that each of us, in our own unique ways, has experienced all kinds of loss and changes this past year. But in spite of that, we still have so much to be incredibly thankful for. And that's what I encouraged our family to remember.

God reminded me of that truth while I was in Cuba last week. Our mission trip was great. Thanks to everyone who prayed for us. We saw many people come to know the Lord. I was refreshed by the change in scenery and focus on ministry. I'm thankful for that.

One morning, as I was battling all the negative thoughts of loss that were running through my mind, God reminded me that it was time for me to focus on what I have rather than what I do not have. That direction from Him came as a real eye-opener because I realized how consumed my thoughts were with loss. Yes, many things have changed in my life this year and there has been a lot of loss.

But I still have SO MUCH for which to be thankful. I have an amazing daughter, a loving family, a warm, safe place to live, more than enough to eat, friends who care about me, and a loving, forgiving, gracious God who calls me His child and who loves me right where I am. I could go on and on with how blessed I am. But you get the picture, right?

And so God reminded me to praise Him for what I have and to let my mind dwell on His continued blessings and faithfulness. Thinking this way requires my attention minute-by-minute. But when I do dwell on thankfulness rather than the pain of the loss, I find peace for my mind and my soul. And, my outlook on the world around me is so much better.

So, I am thankful for many things in my life. The other thing that I am doing is that when my mind begins to stray into negative territory, I sing the words of the amazing song below. Take a moment and read it and be thankful.

Blessed Be Your Name
by Matt Redman
- - -
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Back to Cuba

I am headed back to Havana, Cuba on Friday, November 14. This is my fifth mission trip to the island since October, 2006. God has used the Cuban people to greatly impact my life and so I am really excited to return.

Please pray for us while we are there. I am leading a team of seven from Capstone Church. Everyone on the team has been before so that should make the trip easier.

I am anxious to see what conditions are like there. As you probably know, the island has been hit by three major hurricanes in the past couple of months. Most of them have struck south of the area where we will be working. From what I've read, the greatest impact on us will probably be food availability. The Cuban people are suffering through major food shortages. While we may only have to deal with it for one week, they are dealing with it daily. Please pray for them and that the government will work with whomever to get them the food they need.

This will be my first trip away from home since Dad passed away. No doubt a change of scenery will be good but part of me hates to leave my loved ones behind. Once you suddenly lose someone you love, the possibility of it happening again becomes very real. If you've been through it you know what I'm talking about. I trust God with it all but my human mind tells me otherwise. I choose to focus on the sufficiency of Christ.

So, please pray for us! We fly to Havana Friday morning and fly home Friday evening, Nov. 21. Pray for traveling safety and good health for the team members. And, pray that many will hear and respond to Jesus' message of love and grace that we will share.

I will post an update when I return. God bless and thanks for praying!

Restoration

It seems that a lot of the people around me are really struggling through some hard times. The recurring theme of conversations has been the issues of loss and disappointment and what is God doing and what does it all really mean and is life really supposed to be this way.

But just this week, my heart and mind have been reawakened to truth. There has been a ray of hope as I’ve prayed and read and listened for God’s voice in my life.

What God has revealed to me has been brutal. He told me that I have wallowed in all of this pain for long enough. In fact, He even showed me that I have been worshiping the pain instead of Him. I have allowed the pain to become what dominates my thoughts and anything that dominates our thoughts is what we worship.

That revelation really hurt. But once He showed it to me and I actually saw it for myself, I am now praying for and working on a shift in my focus --- away from thoughts of the loss, pain and bitterness, and back to the One who is able to heal and deliver me. This is a constant challenge and at this point I am failing more than I am succeeding. But I am praying and asking God to once again give me the mind of Christ, a mind that is focused on God and the promises that He has made to me.

One of my conversations took place on a thread on Facebook with four other people, three of whom I do not know. Everyone shared similar stories of pain and struggles and questions. Then someone posted two verses that opened up a new world of promise to me. It is Psalms 71:20-21:

“Though you have made me see troubles,
many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor
And comfort me once again.”

Isn’t that an amazing passage? Go back and read it again. The psalmist says that God brought the troubles into his life. That’s where this writer says they came from --- from God! We all struggle with the concept of God bringing pain into our lives. But whether you believe He allows it or causes it, we must not get stuck in the pain because the promise is not in the pain. The promise is in what comes next.

The psalmist writes that even though God brought the troubles into his life --- LOTS of painful and bitter troubles --- the psalmist knows that God WILL restore him, rescue him, increase his honor, and comfort him.

How can this guy be so confident? Because God had done it for him before! That’s why he used the word “again” three times in these two verses. This guy had experienced restoration and rescue and comfort many times before. And, since God did those things for him in the past, he is convinced that God is able to do all of them again.

God reminded me that He has done all of those things for me in the past as well AND that He will do the same for me again. That’s where my heart and my mind must be focused as I move forward. There is no limit to His love and grace and mercy for me. God is in the restoration business! He is the ultimate restorer who can take what’s broken and beaten up and make something spectacularly beautiful.

Like the psalmist, I am confident that God will restore my life again. He will bring me up again. He will increase my honor and comfort me once again because that’s how much love, grace and mercy He has for me. And, that's how much love, grace and mercy has for you.

Amen!

Get away

Some days you just have to get away.

It’s high noon and I’m sitting in a very trendy, environmentally-friendly café in downtown Asheville called “The Green Sage.” I got up this morning with a burning desire to get away. Not get away forever. Don’t worry: I’m not running for good. I just needed a change of scenery and a different thought process for a few hours today. I figured I could get done what I needed to do wherever. And my other stuff, well, it can wait a little while longer.

I guess I have the luxury of doing this today since I’m not working in an office nine-to-five. Believe me, I would rather be working a full day today. I need a job! I’m actually hoping to line some work up today. Until then, this curried chicken salad with raisins whole wheat wrap with a side of sweet potatoes fries will have to do. (And yes, it’s as good as it sounds.)

I haven’t blogged in a while. Writing can be therapeutic and with everything going on in life right now, a little therapy is what I need. So here goes.

I’ve spent the past six weeks since my dad’s passing processing sudden death and the shock of it all. We all know that you’re never prepared to lose someone you love. But when it’s sudden it seems even more difficult. Truth be told, that emotion comes from a very selfish place. Dad died exactly the way he always said that he wanted to: in his sleep. He did not suffer the horrors of chemo or struggle to breathe because of congestive heart failure. He simply told his family that he loved them and went to bed and woke up in heaven. What an incredible blessing for him.

The selfishness comes in that we did not get the long good-bye that some people get. Again, it’s a double-edged sword because with that long-goodbye usually comes suffering that is painful for everyone involved. But there is a measure of preparedness that must make all of this a little easier. I’m only speculating since I’ve never been in that place either.

The shock of someone being full of life one day and absolutely gone the next brings our mortality front and center. And it screams that all those clichés are true: “you’re not guaranteed tomorrow” and “live like you were dying.” We’ve heard each of those sayings hundreds of times. I believe it’s time to try and figure out how to live as if every day is my last.

There’s a great deal of irony in that last sentence. For me, 2008 has been a year of great loss and gut-wrenching grief. The year began tenuously yet hopeful. I was hopeful that some things that were obviously headed in the wrong direction would find the right course. And as hard as I tried to get those things on track, the difficult reality has been that I cannot fix everything and I am not supposed to be able to fix things. I also cannot understand everything. I cannot explain everything and I do not have an answer for all the questions (as much as some people want me to give them).

Here’s what I do know: God is ultimately in control. I believe that to my core. But there’s a rub in that truth. In God’s hard-to-understand ways (that most people never truly accept even though they say they do), He gives us free will, also known as the ability to make choices. And along with the freedom to make those choices comes the responsibility for the consequences. See the rub? God is in control but He gives us a measure of control called choices. What we do with our choices and whether or not we allow Him to guide our choices makes all the difference in the world.

Kind of deep, right? Most of life is really deep, complicated and complex, my friends.

I have also learned this year that there are people who really don’t want to deal with the depth and complexity of life’s great struggles. (I confess that I have been that person before.) As believers, the church often peddles an easy gospel of “trust God and everything will be okay.” That is true but the rub comes in how we live that truth out --- how we walk with people at the very moments when their worlds are falling apart. Most people are quick to dispense advice to the hurting about how to fix whatever is wrong in their lives and then their work is done. That’s the simple solution that I have seen from many people. “Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll tell you what to do.”

But that kind of superficial advice rarely takes away the pain or fixes the situation. It may be well-intentioned but it only makes the adviser feel better. To think that we can dispense advice to others about how to fix their lives yet we have never truly walked in their shoes is frighteningly presumptuous. I confess that I’ve done it many times and I’ve had it done to me. Having been on the unfortunate receiving side for a while now, I vow to try my best to never do it again.

Okay, I’m all over the board with this post, I know. There’s a lot swirling in my brain. Remember: I’m writing today for my personal therapy. And if you’re still reading at this point, I’m amazed and I thank you.

I think I’ll stop for now. My after lunch half-decaf/half-regular coffee is about cold and it’s getting time to head down the road towards home. I’m curious to know what you think about my thoughts. Comments (agreeable and disagreeable) are always welcome. I’ll write more soon.

Latest Newspaper Column

It's been a while since I've last written here. This month since Dad's passing has been an emotional time. I've thought about writing many things but never seemed to have the clarity of mind to sit down and do it. I hope to begin regularly writing again very soon.

Here is a link to my latest column in the Anderson Independent-Mail that was published today. Check it out if you have a moment. God's best to each of you.

A grateful, heavy heart

My father passed away Thursday morning.

Writing those words cuts at my very core. It is unimaginable. I knew it would happen some day. Just not that day. Not in the middle of everything else. Not when there is so much to do, so much to talk about, so much to figure out. And already so much hurt.

Daddy was the rock. He and Mama had become my refuge over these months, just as they had been when I was a kid. I could always run to them when I was hurt or tired or just needed someone to say that everything will be okay.

And Daddy and I were finally figuring each other out.

It wasn't too late. The understanding came at just the right time. The humbleness. The open hearts. The acceptance. The forgiveness. God gave those gifts to me over these last few years so that I could bury my father yesterday with no regrets.

No regrets. Thank you, Daddy. Thank You, God.

Pray for Cuba

Please pray for the people of Cuba as another hurricane pounds their island today. Ike seems to be even more devastating than Gustav was a couple of weeks ago. Reports of 50 foot waves are coming out of Baracoa, a coastal area mid-island.

Pastor Eduardo and the church leaders we work with there have ministries in Baracoa. Eduardo and his ministry is based in an area called Alamar which is on the coast near Havana. Obviously, being in a coastal area that's practically at sea level will be devastating with a storm like this.

Join me in praying for physical safety for the people and their property. They have so little to begin with that it's hard to imagine how they will rebuild. But God knows and I am confident He is more than able to provide for them.

We are scheduled to return to the island in two months, November 14 - 21. We'll see this week if the storm affects the work God has for us to do there.

Thanks for praying.

What's been going on?

I've gotten that question a lot over the last few weeks. I appreciate the genuine concern from those who have asked. So, in an effort to answer the question, I'll give you a totally random list. Read on at your own risk.

• I've had a lot of heart pain. Not the physical kind (thank the Lord). It's been the emotional kind. Today is one month since I resigned as Pastor of Capstone. I knew it would be hard but I had no idea that my guts and heart would actually ache over the loss. Like my friend Cliff said, since God birthed this church through me, it's like giving up your child who isn't yet grown. That really is a great description. I don't say that to mean that the church was mine in the first place - it's always been the Lord's - but when God planted it in your heart and you've been there from day one, you feel an incredible sense of responsibility for its well-being. Yes, God is continuing to teach me to let go of many things in my life. Sometimes I realize that I'm a slow learner.
• I'm looking for a job --- something I haven't done in 20 years. In some ways I feel good about what I've accomplished during this month. I've been able to reconnect with some great friends that I had during my business career and they have been more than willing to help me out. That's been really great. And, many of you are looking around for me as well. I appreciate you!
• On the flip side, I haven't found a job during this first month and so things aren't that good yet! Ahhh, the waiting game. God is teaching me through it. Again, I'm a slow learner.
• My aunt died last week. Bobbie Davenport was only 54-years-old and was a valiant cancer warrior for 12 years. I was honored to do her graveside service on Saturday. She and her family have lived in Texas for the past 20 years and so our time together has been somewhat limited. My uncle Ronny and cousins Brett, Amanda and Tami were here this past weekend. I really enjoyed the time spent with them at my grandmother's house and at mom and dad's. The whole family was together for the first time in many years - that was great. And even though we were mourning Bobbie's passing, we laughed a lot and enjoyed being together. I cherish family more and more as the weeks pass.
• My daughter Claire led one of the worship songs at church on Sunday. It was AMAZING! Claire has loved music from day one and sings constantly. We never pushed her to sing publicly - especially since Yvonne and I both did for many years. So on her own, she got involved in the band and led us Sunday. It was GREAT. I cried many tears watching her praise the Lord. I continue to be in awe at what God did when He created her. She is such an incredible blessing and I'm proud to be her dad.
• I'm getting tired of the Olympics.
• I know a lot of people battling cancer right now. Pray for my friend Mike's dad, Larry Marcie. He was just diagnosed last week and it doesn't look good.
• I am ready to go to work. I'm not one to sit around. And even though I've kept fairly busy, I need some long term projects (that pay) in which to be involved.
• Thanks to those of you who've called to check on me and those who've taken me to lunch. Jim, I enjoyed today, my friend.
• The enemy has been all over my family for a long time now. Not just at my house but the extended family as well. There are many battles going on but the war is already won! Gloria a Dios!
• I have ants all over the kitchen. Everyone says they're looking for water. So, if I put a bowl of water outside, will that take care of them????? Can I send them over to your house?
• We're putting together our next Cuba Mission Team. I will be leading the trip November 14-21. I'm excited to be able to do this. If any of you Capstoners are interested in going, we have room for a few more. Also, I'll be funding my trip myself this time. So, if any of you want to be a part of that, send me an email and I'll tell you how to get involved.

Finally, thanks for all the prayers you've sent my way over the recent days. They are much needed and much appreciated.

Going Home

I know it's been a while since I've written. Sorry about that. I've kind of been at a loss as to what to write. With everything that's been going on over the last few months, and especially the big change of no longer pastoring Capstone, it's hard to put into words all of my emotions and thoughts. Some days I think I'm doing okay. Others, not so much. God continues to remind me of His faithfulness, plans and purposes. I am still looking for a job. My Capstone family has been amazing during these days. I want you to know that I really do appreciate your prayers and kind words.

As many of you know, I grew up here in Anderson and was really involved at Concord Baptist Church. Concord was a huge blessing to me. I was a part of everything and loved every minute of it. I met Jesus at Concord. God called me to pastor as a teenager at Concord. I even worked on staff at Concord eight years ago.

Last night, I went back to Concord for the first time in a long time. My 86-year-old grandmother (Rachel Davenport) is still a member there. And so Claire, my sister Suzanne, Grandmother and I went to hear Dr. Don Wilton preach. Dr. Wilton is the pastor of First Baptist, Spartanburg.

For me, going back to Concord last night was just like going home --- and it felt so good. I got more hugs at one church service than I have gotten in a long time! And what made the hugs so special was that they came from people who go way back in my life --- over 30 years for many of them. These are people who laid a foundation of truth in my life that I have had the privilege of passing on as a pastor for these years.

As the service began, I sat on the wooden pew and listened to the organ play and the choir sing. And I was overwhelmed by the goodness of God. I scanned the faces of the choir and saw camp chaperones and youth counselors and Vacation Bible School teachers. I saw the faces of teenage friends and prayer warriors who have encouraged and loved me through the years. I saw the faces of people who are still honoring God with their lives. They're not perfect --- they have struggled through some hard times like all of us --- but they are still faithfully serving the Lord after all these years.

God knew I needed some old friends to put their arms around me and tell me that they love me. Most seemed to know about what's been going on in my life lately. They were all very sorry and assured me of their prayers. But most importantly, through different things that were said, they wanted me to know that they were home for me and that I was always welcome there.

That felt really good.

Sometimes, you just need to go home. I thank the Lord that when I was just a child He gave me a home church filled with amazing people who have meant so much in my life. And I thank Him and them for blessing me as they did last night.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:9-10 (NIV)

His Loving Presence in the Process

An old friend emailed me this week after hearing about all that is going on in my life. It was good to hear from him. He and I were really close growing up. Our families vacationed together. We spent the night at each other's houses, went to church together, and had some of the typical teenager adventures. Amazingly, we are both now ministers and even had daughters born on the same day! I count him as my best friend during those growing up years.

Adulthood brought marriage and kids and changes and distance for both of us. But even after all of this time, there is something comforting in that connection that goes all the way back to those earliest years.

My friend wrote something in his email that has stayed with me for these past few days: "I am praying that as you walk through all this, the Lord will give you rest for your soul and His loving presence in the process. "

As I've thought about what he wrote, I have come to the conclusion that the trials of life are really about processes. I am walking through a process right now. You probably are as well. And no matter what the issue is --- financial, health, relational, spiritual, jobs, raising kids, marital, stress, anxiety, fear --- dealing with it is a process. In the real world, there are very few quick fixes and miraculous resolutions. I am not saying God is not in the miracle business. He definitely is. But my experience has been that His miracles are always a part of His processes.

The word "process" is defined as "a systematic series of actions directed to some end." Right now, I am asking God to show me the "systematic series of actions" I am to take in order to get to the end. I have no idea what the "end" will look like and I am okay with that because I am confident that He does.

I simply want His loving presence in the process. Moses gave Joshua the promise of God's presence and you and I can claim this promise for ourselves: "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)

Don't miss what that verse says: It is the Lord himself who goes before us and will be with us. It is the Lord himself who will never leave us nor forsake us. We get the Lord himself! Not some substitute who may or may not be trustworthy. Not a human like ourselves who will let us down. But the Lord himself.

As long as we cling to Him, His loving presence will always be in the processes of our lives.

Amen and Gloria a Dios!

Thanks

Thanks to everyone who has left comments, emailed or called this week. Your expressions of love and support during this trial have been amazing. I have felt the strength of your prayers. Please keep them going.

It's been a difficult week. The reality of all these changes have begun to settle in. I need some "normal" and have no idea what that is right now. I also need a job. If you have any contacts with non-profit groups or for-profit businesses (my pre-ministry background is in public relations, marketing, journalism and communications), send me some info and I'll be glad to send my resume. I'm trusting God for the job and for the next steps for me.

Claire and the World Changers mission team get back today. They've had a great week in Roanoke, Virginia. I actually drove up to see them on Wednesday. They had the afternoon and evening off and I had a need to get in the car and go somewhere so it was a great time. They were really surprised to see me. I've been to World Changers every year with them and it's killed me this week to not be there. We have the greatest youth group around and most of them are like my own kids.

Here's some encouragement from my Bible time this morning: "Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls." Hebrews 6:18-19 (New Living Translation).

A "strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls." What a great promise.

News

This is a condensed version of what I shared with the church this past Sunday.

"I want to begin with thanks for your prayers and support over these months of trials. I have shared with you about the very difficult trials that my family and I have been walking through for many months now. One of the challenges every pastor faces is the ability to be transparent and open and honest about his life and at the same time maintain some privacy and personal space to work through those trials. Pastors are just people. God has called us to a very special ministry that includes great responsibility. But at the end of the day, I am just a guy walking the same road that you are. That road also includes trials and heartache and difficulties and disappointment. No one is exempt from the enemy’s attacks and his schemes. In fact, pastors and their families are probably more vulnerable because of the role we play in God’s work.

I struggle even today to know what and how much to share with you. The stress my family and I have been facing began a number of years ago with the normal struggles of life and marriage. Add to that the serious depression and emotional issues that my wife has been battling for a number of years and we find ourselves in a very difficult place. We have spent most of the past three months apart and have been unable to resolve any of the issues that have brought us to this place. We have sought counseling together and separately and will continue to do that. But just as these issues did not appear overnight, they cannot be resolved over night.

Obviously, the state of my marriage and my personal life has a huge impact on my ability to lead and pastor the church. Ministry is not like other “jobs” where you can just block out the personal stuff and put your shoulder to the plow and get your job done. I’ve tried to do it and it’s just not possible. In ministry it is all the same and all connected.

I take my call of spiritual leadership very seriously. This has never been just a job for me. I have tried to never be the pastor who put on fronts or tried to make you think I’m something that I am not. I have always wanted to be open and honest about my imperfections and faults and my own journey to honor God with my life. I have tried to protect my wife through these trials. I have taken every step I know to take to be a man of God, to faithfully honor my wife and our marriage, and to make things right between us.

That’s as honest as I know to be and that’s how I stand before you today. My heart is broken over the circumstances of our lives and the pain we are in. I have tried to fix things and do things that I thought were right. But I have not been able to fix anything. Finally, God told me to let it go and just wait on Him and that He will be faithful to take care of us because we belong to Him and He loves us.

The leadership of our church has been supportive throughout this process. They have left decisions about how I need to handle things up to me. It’s been frustrating for them and for some of you because you haven’t known what to do to help fix things --- you love us and want things to be okay --- and it looks like from the outside there should be an easy solution. But there is not an easy solution.

And so, after much prayer and seeking the Lord’s will and wise counsel with godly people I trust, I am stepping down as pastor of Capstone Church. This has been a really hard decision because my flesh says to tough it out and make it work somehow. But God says to let it go, to lay it down on the altar, and let Him take it from there. I know that it is what I must do for the good of the church and the good of me and my family.

The road ahead for Yvonne and me is a very long road and that contributed greatly to my decision. While I know that you all support us and want to see our relationship healed and me remain as the Pastor here, I believe it would be unfair and unhealthy for the church to be distracted by this process and to continue in a place of limbo while we work through these personal issues. We cannot let anything distract us from the mission God has given.

I want you to know that there are no sin issues in my life that require me to resign today. I am far from perfect but I have not done anything that disqualifies me from ministry. No one has asked me to resign. As difficult as this is, I know this is a step of obedience that God requires me to take.

The journey of Capstone Church has been amazing and one that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I cannot even begin to tell you what a privilege it has been to be your pastor and to be a part of your lives. And Lord willing, I hope to be able to continue to be a part of Capstone’s journey as a church member and servant along side with you. There is still so much work to be done here. God has brought together an incredible group of people here I am confident that He will bring the next visionary pastor to continue the good work that He has started in us.

I don’t know what is next for me. But I do know the One who already has that figured out. He is my faithful, loving, good, and kind Heavenly Father. The same God who made a way for the Israelites into the Promised land, who fed 5,000 from the fish and loaves, who healed the blind, mute and crippled, the same God who always makes a way when there seems to be no way, will make a way for me and my family.

So take heart, church. Please do not lose your focus on the amazing God we serve and the vision that lies before us. Remember: you are the church. The church is not about me as the Pastor. It is about each of us and the relationships we are building and the opportunities God has given us to “love people into the abundant life that comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ.” That’s Capstone – that’s who we are – and that will never change."

There were many tears shed by many of us on Sunday. But amazingly, God showed up and His presence was obvious as we worshiped Him. My goal for Sunday was to bring glory to Him. I pray that happened because He alone deserves it for all the great things He has done.

Sunday at Capstone

After being away from the pulpit and office for the past month, I'll be preaching at Capstone this Sunday. I have really missed teaching each week and getting to share with all of you. Through this time of seeking Him, God has provided some direction. I hope you'll be there this Sunday if at all possible.

Thanks for the prayers until then.

Learning

One of the things I have been doing during my time off from the church is some self-study and personal reflection on God, my relationship with Him, and my life. God has been really faithful to teach me and show me things through His Word and through a couple of books that I have been reading.

God has repeatedly told me to wait on Him. I, like so many others, want solutions now. I have spent many days anxious and stressed-out and wondering why God is not resolving the struggles in my marriage now. Through my anxiety, God has taught me:

• To rest in His peace during the storm. This is a choice I must constantly make. I am concentrating on His peace in my mind and in my conversations with Him, myself (yes, I talk to myself), and others. And, when I feel that anxiety building - whether self-induced or from others - I claim the peace He has given me that transcends all understanding. My lack of peace usually means I have moved back into the "fix it" mode instead of God fixing it. Peace is resting in Him.
  
• God has a plan. What I see unfolding around me is not the plan I could have ever anticipated. Most of it makes no sense to me. But isn't that usually how God works? What we think is right or best is not the way He sees it because He sees everything from His eternal perspective. I look at this suffering and can't make sense of it. But, God's Word tells me that He uses suffering to make His children more like Him. I can accept that. I do not understand it all. But I can accept it and choose to rejoice in it. "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10
• It is okay to let go of my circumstances. Like a child who is first learning to walk, it is okay for me to let go of what I think I can and should do and walk by faith. God has been teaching me to trust Him more and myself less. My mind tells me that I have to figure everything out and come up with the solution or there will not be one. In fact, I often think that if I don't figure it all out, I am failing in some way. God never said to figure it all out in our power. He said to trust Him and to follow Him in obedience and righteousness. The answer is already there. He already has it figured out. It's cliche but true: I must "let go and let God." I will wait on Him to reveal His answers.
  

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Here's a resource I recommend for you if you too are facing some difficult circumstances in your life. It's called "Advancing through Adversity" by Charles Stanley. It's a self-study book that has been incredibly helpful to me over the past few weeks as I have sought understanding of God's purposes and plans during this trial. It's really good.

Thanks for continuing to stop by and for your prayers. God bless.

Freedom Cherished

Happy Independence Day! As Americans, we are blessed to live in a free country. So enjoy your freedom today as you cherish what God has given to us.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
- The Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776

Conversations

I had three very interesting conversations today.

The first was with God. Yes, I talked to God today and He talked to me. I wish I could tell you that He gave me all the answers to all the questions that I've been asking for many months now. That didn't happen. But it was still a great conversation.

I spent some time this morning telling God about all the things I am thankful for. In the middle of the hard times I have been walking through, I have found that it's been really easy to only see what's wrong. That's where we all seem to get focused - on what's NOT right rather than on what IS right. But there is a long list of blessings in my life that God reminded me of this morning. As I thanked Him for each one, He reassured me in my spirit that it is His pleasure to bless me. And in His Word He told me, "...for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable." (Romans 11:29) I serve a God who desires to bless me and He has blessed me indeed AND He will continue to bless me as I follow Him.

My second conversation was with a friend at lunch. This friend is someone that I have not spent any one-on-one time with in a couple of years. As I shared with him the struggles going on in my marriage, God greatly used him to encourage me. He said that one of the things God has been teaching him is that God does not work in linear ways like we think He does or should. We think that if we do A + B we will get C. But God does not work in that way because His view of the world and all the things going on in it and in us is much greater than some simple formula. We think that if we live the Christian life and faithfully follow Christ and do what we should do then we can EXPECT God to do things for us in return and that we will not have the struggles that others do because we uphold our end of the deal.

But, as my friend said, following God does not involve some formula that, if followed, will result in only good things for us. Jesus promised suffering for His followers and He never promised that it would all make sense to us.

During this trial I've had some well-meaning friends advise me to take steps A + B and I will get C and everything will be okay. (I admit I have offered the same advise in the past.) Guess what? I've done A and B and so far, no C. Obviously, God has something else planned and it's okay for me to rest in His peace and wait on Him.

My third conversation was with an author of a book I started reading this afternoon. Amazingly, He said the same thing to me in his book that my friend said at lunch. There is not some "God formula" that we can discover and apply it to our problems and suddenly make sense of them all. God is working in ways that are SO MUCH GREATER than anything we can even begin to imagine. Even when we do not see Him front and center on the stage of our lives, He is expertly working behind the scenes to bring everything together according to His plans for us. His plans may not look like ours. The outcome may not be what we could have predicted or what makes sense to us or others. In fact, the outcome may be confusing to us. But even so, God is working it out according to what He (and He alone) can achieve. That's how amazing He is and how much He loves us.

So, I am blessed today and I praise God for it. Sorry I cannot give you a simple plan or some linear formula that's going to solve your and my problems and suddenly make them go away. Wait --- yes, I can: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. " Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)