His Loving Presence in the Process

An old friend emailed me this week after hearing about all that is going on in my life. It was good to hear from him. He and I were really close growing up. Our families vacationed together. We spent the night at each other's houses, went to church together, and had some of the typical teenager adventures. Amazingly, we are both now ministers and even had daughters born on the same day! I count him as my best friend during those growing up years.

Adulthood brought marriage and kids and changes and distance for both of us. But even after all of this time, there is something comforting in that connection that goes all the way back to those earliest years.

My friend wrote something in his email that has stayed with me for these past few days: "I am praying that as you walk through all this, the Lord will give you rest for your soul and His loving presence in the process. "

As I've thought about what he wrote, I have come to the conclusion that the trials of life are really about processes. I am walking through a process right now. You probably are as well. And no matter what the issue is --- financial, health, relational, spiritual, jobs, raising kids, marital, stress, anxiety, fear --- dealing with it is a process. In the real world, there are very few quick fixes and miraculous resolutions. I am not saying God is not in the miracle business. He definitely is. But my experience has been that His miracles are always a part of His processes.

The word "process" is defined as "a systematic series of actions directed to some end." Right now, I am asking God to show me the "systematic series of actions" I am to take in order to get to the end. I have no idea what the "end" will look like and I am okay with that because I am confident that He does.

I simply want His loving presence in the process. Moses gave Joshua the promise of God's presence and you and I can claim this promise for ourselves: "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)

Don't miss what that verse says: It is the Lord himself who goes before us and will be with us. It is the Lord himself who will never leave us nor forsake us. We get the Lord himself! Not some substitute who may or may not be trustworthy. Not a human like ourselves who will let us down. But the Lord himself.

As long as we cling to Him, His loving presence will always be in the processes of our lives.

Amen and Gloria a Dios!

Thanks

Thanks to everyone who has left comments, emailed or called this week. Your expressions of love and support during this trial have been amazing. I have felt the strength of your prayers. Please keep them going.

It's been a difficult week. The reality of all these changes have begun to settle in. I need some "normal" and have no idea what that is right now. I also need a job. If you have any contacts with non-profit groups or for-profit businesses (my pre-ministry background is in public relations, marketing, journalism and communications), send me some info and I'll be glad to send my resume. I'm trusting God for the job and for the next steps for me.

Claire and the World Changers mission team get back today. They've had a great week in Roanoke, Virginia. I actually drove up to see them on Wednesday. They had the afternoon and evening off and I had a need to get in the car and go somewhere so it was a great time. They were really surprised to see me. I've been to World Changers every year with them and it's killed me this week to not be there. We have the greatest youth group around and most of them are like my own kids.

Here's some encouragement from my Bible time this morning: "Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls." Hebrews 6:18-19 (New Living Translation).

A "strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls." What a great promise.

News

This is a condensed version of what I shared with the church this past Sunday.

"I want to begin with thanks for your prayers and support over these months of trials. I have shared with you about the very difficult trials that my family and I have been walking through for many months now. One of the challenges every pastor faces is the ability to be transparent and open and honest about his life and at the same time maintain some privacy and personal space to work through those trials. Pastors are just people. God has called us to a very special ministry that includes great responsibility. But at the end of the day, I am just a guy walking the same road that you are. That road also includes trials and heartache and difficulties and disappointment. No one is exempt from the enemy’s attacks and his schemes. In fact, pastors and their families are probably more vulnerable because of the role we play in God’s work.

I struggle even today to know what and how much to share with you. The stress my family and I have been facing began a number of years ago with the normal struggles of life and marriage. Add to that the serious depression and emotional issues that my wife has been battling for a number of years and we find ourselves in a very difficult place. We have spent most of the past three months apart and have been unable to resolve any of the issues that have brought us to this place. We have sought counseling together and separately and will continue to do that. But just as these issues did not appear overnight, they cannot be resolved over night.

Obviously, the state of my marriage and my personal life has a huge impact on my ability to lead and pastor the church. Ministry is not like other “jobs” where you can just block out the personal stuff and put your shoulder to the plow and get your job done. I’ve tried to do it and it’s just not possible. In ministry it is all the same and all connected.

I take my call of spiritual leadership very seriously. This has never been just a job for me. I have tried to never be the pastor who put on fronts or tried to make you think I’m something that I am not. I have always wanted to be open and honest about my imperfections and faults and my own journey to honor God with my life. I have tried to protect my wife through these trials. I have taken every step I know to take to be a man of God, to faithfully honor my wife and our marriage, and to make things right between us.

That’s as honest as I know to be and that’s how I stand before you today. My heart is broken over the circumstances of our lives and the pain we are in. I have tried to fix things and do things that I thought were right. But I have not been able to fix anything. Finally, God told me to let it go and just wait on Him and that He will be faithful to take care of us because we belong to Him and He loves us.

The leadership of our church has been supportive throughout this process. They have left decisions about how I need to handle things up to me. It’s been frustrating for them and for some of you because you haven’t known what to do to help fix things --- you love us and want things to be okay --- and it looks like from the outside there should be an easy solution. But there is not an easy solution.

And so, after much prayer and seeking the Lord’s will and wise counsel with godly people I trust, I am stepping down as pastor of Capstone Church. This has been a really hard decision because my flesh says to tough it out and make it work somehow. But God says to let it go, to lay it down on the altar, and let Him take it from there. I know that it is what I must do for the good of the church and the good of me and my family.

The road ahead for Yvonne and me is a very long road and that contributed greatly to my decision. While I know that you all support us and want to see our relationship healed and me remain as the Pastor here, I believe it would be unfair and unhealthy for the church to be distracted by this process and to continue in a place of limbo while we work through these personal issues. We cannot let anything distract us from the mission God has given.

I want you to know that there are no sin issues in my life that require me to resign today. I am far from perfect but I have not done anything that disqualifies me from ministry. No one has asked me to resign. As difficult as this is, I know this is a step of obedience that God requires me to take.

The journey of Capstone Church has been amazing and one that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I cannot even begin to tell you what a privilege it has been to be your pastor and to be a part of your lives. And Lord willing, I hope to be able to continue to be a part of Capstone’s journey as a church member and servant along side with you. There is still so much work to be done here. God has brought together an incredible group of people here I am confident that He will bring the next visionary pastor to continue the good work that He has started in us.

I don’t know what is next for me. But I do know the One who already has that figured out. He is my faithful, loving, good, and kind Heavenly Father. The same God who made a way for the Israelites into the Promised land, who fed 5,000 from the fish and loaves, who healed the blind, mute and crippled, the same God who always makes a way when there seems to be no way, will make a way for me and my family.

So take heart, church. Please do not lose your focus on the amazing God we serve and the vision that lies before us. Remember: you are the church. The church is not about me as the Pastor. It is about each of us and the relationships we are building and the opportunities God has given us to “love people into the abundant life that comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ.” That’s Capstone – that’s who we are – and that will never change."

There were many tears shed by many of us on Sunday. But amazingly, God showed up and His presence was obvious as we worshiped Him. My goal for Sunday was to bring glory to Him. I pray that happened because He alone deserves it for all the great things He has done.

Sunday at Capstone

After being away from the pulpit and office for the past month, I'll be preaching at Capstone this Sunday. I have really missed teaching each week and getting to share with all of you. Through this time of seeking Him, God has provided some direction. I hope you'll be there this Sunday if at all possible.

Thanks for the prayers until then.

Learning

One of the things I have been doing during my time off from the church is some self-study and personal reflection on God, my relationship with Him, and my life. God has been really faithful to teach me and show me things through His Word and through a couple of books that I have been reading.

God has repeatedly told me to wait on Him. I, like so many others, want solutions now. I have spent many days anxious and stressed-out and wondering why God is not resolving the struggles in my marriage now. Through my anxiety, God has taught me:

• To rest in His peace during the storm. This is a choice I must constantly make. I am concentrating on His peace in my mind and in my conversations with Him, myself (yes, I talk to myself), and others. And, when I feel that anxiety building - whether self-induced or from others - I claim the peace He has given me that transcends all understanding. My lack of peace usually means I have moved back into the "fix it" mode instead of God fixing it. Peace is resting in Him.
  
• God has a plan. What I see unfolding around me is not the plan I could have ever anticipated. Most of it makes no sense to me. But isn't that usually how God works? What we think is right or best is not the way He sees it because He sees everything from His eternal perspective. I look at this suffering and can't make sense of it. But, God's Word tells me that He uses suffering to make His children more like Him. I can accept that. I do not understand it all. But I can accept it and choose to rejoice in it. "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10
• It is okay to let go of my circumstances. Like a child who is first learning to walk, it is okay for me to let go of what I think I can and should do and walk by faith. God has been teaching me to trust Him more and myself less. My mind tells me that I have to figure everything out and come up with the solution or there will not be one. In fact, I often think that if I don't figure it all out, I am failing in some way. God never said to figure it all out in our power. He said to trust Him and to follow Him in obedience and righteousness. The answer is already there. He already has it figured out. It's cliche but true: I must "let go and let God." I will wait on Him to reveal His answers.
  

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Here's a resource I recommend for you if you too are facing some difficult circumstances in your life. It's called "Advancing through Adversity" by Charles Stanley. It's a self-study book that has been incredibly helpful to me over the past few weeks as I have sought understanding of God's purposes and plans during this trial. It's really good.

Thanks for continuing to stop by and for your prayers. God bless.

Freedom Cherished

Happy Independence Day! As Americans, we are blessed to live in a free country. So enjoy your freedom today as you cherish what God has given to us.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
- The Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776

Conversations

I had three very interesting conversations today.

The first was with God. Yes, I talked to God today and He talked to me. I wish I could tell you that He gave me all the answers to all the questions that I've been asking for many months now. That didn't happen. But it was still a great conversation.

I spent some time this morning telling God about all the things I am thankful for. In the middle of the hard times I have been walking through, I have found that it's been really easy to only see what's wrong. That's where we all seem to get focused - on what's NOT right rather than on what IS right. But there is a long list of blessings in my life that God reminded me of this morning. As I thanked Him for each one, He reassured me in my spirit that it is His pleasure to bless me. And in His Word He told me, "...for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable." (Romans 11:29) I serve a God who desires to bless me and He has blessed me indeed AND He will continue to bless me as I follow Him.

My second conversation was with a friend at lunch. This friend is someone that I have not spent any one-on-one time with in a couple of years. As I shared with him the struggles going on in my marriage, God greatly used him to encourage me. He said that one of the things God has been teaching him is that God does not work in linear ways like we think He does or should. We think that if we do A + B we will get C. But God does not work in that way because His view of the world and all the things going on in it and in us is much greater than some simple formula. We think that if we live the Christian life and faithfully follow Christ and do what we should do then we can EXPECT God to do things for us in return and that we will not have the struggles that others do because we uphold our end of the deal.

But, as my friend said, following God does not involve some formula that, if followed, will result in only good things for us. Jesus promised suffering for His followers and He never promised that it would all make sense to us.

During this trial I've had some well-meaning friends advise me to take steps A + B and I will get C and everything will be okay. (I admit I have offered the same advise in the past.) Guess what? I've done A and B and so far, no C. Obviously, God has something else planned and it's okay for me to rest in His peace and wait on Him.

My third conversation was with an author of a book I started reading this afternoon. Amazingly, He said the same thing to me in his book that my friend said at lunch. There is not some "God formula" that we can discover and apply it to our problems and suddenly make sense of them all. God is working in ways that are SO MUCH GREATER than anything we can even begin to imagine. Even when we do not see Him front and center on the stage of our lives, He is expertly working behind the scenes to bring everything together according to His plans for us. His plans may not look like ours. The outcome may not be what we could have predicted or what makes sense to us or others. In fact, the outcome may be confusing to us. But even so, God is working it out according to what He (and He alone) can achieve. That's how amazing He is and how much He loves us.

So, I am blessed today and I praise God for it. Sorry I cannot give you a simple plan or some linear formula that's going to solve your and my problems and suddenly make them go away. Wait --- yes, I can: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. " Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)